If you grew up in an African household, you probably can count on one hand the number of times your parents uttered the phrase “I love you.” Yet somehow, you never doubted their love. African parents have mastered the art of expressing affection through actions that speak louder than words – a cultural phenomenon that connects millions across the continent.
That Extra Piece of Meat in Your Soup
There’s perhaps no clearer declaration of parental love than food favoritism. Remember that unexpected extra piece of meat or fish that mysteriously landed in your soup? That wasn’t a mere accident. When it comes to food distribution, receiving the bigger portion or the choice cut is the African parent equivalent of a love sonnet.
My mother never announced her affection verbally, but I knew I was the favorite child whenever she dropped an extra piece of chicken on my plate. This culinary love language transcends ethnic boundaries – from Nigerian homes to Kenyan dining tables, food becomes the medium through which affection flows.
“Have You Eaten?” – The Ultimate Expression of Concern
In many African households, the question “Have you eaten?” serves as a comprehensive emotional check-in. This seemingly simple inquiry carries the weight of “Are you okay?”, “I’m thinking about you,” and “I care about your wellbeing” – all rolled into one digestible question. Phone conversations with parents typically begin and end with food-related inquiries. Even when you’re a fully-grown adult living independently, that call from mom isn’t complete without confirming you’ve had your meals. It’s their way of maintaining the caretaker role that defines their expression of love.
The Discipline Paradox
“I’m beating you because I love you” might sound contradictory to Western ears, but many Africans understand this paradoxical expression of affection. The strict discipline, high expectations, and sometimes harsh consequences weren’t about control – they were investments in your future. The endless lectures about education, the comparison to “the neighbor’s child who came first in the class,” and the corrections for misbehavior all stemmed from a deep-seated desire to see you succeed in a world they knew could be unforgiving. Their strictness was protective armor they were building around you.
Bragging About You to Others (But Never to Your Face)
Perhaps one of the most fascinating situation is the African parent who criticizes you to your face but sings your praises to anyone who will listen once you’re out of earshot. “My daughter just started medical school,” they’ll proudly announce to strangers at church, even as they reminded you earlier that morning that “medical school is just the beginning – you need to specialize too.” This third-party affirmation system ensures you stay humble while still receiving their pride indirectly through community grapevines.
The Sacrificial Economy
African parental love often manifests through remarkable financial sacrifices made matter-of-factly. They’ll wear the same clothes for years while ensuring you have new ones. They’ll skip meals so you can eat. They’ll work multiple jobs to pay your school fees without complaint. These sacrifices are rarely discussed openly – they’re simply what parents do. The unspoken expectation is that you’ll recognize these acts of love through observation, not acknowledgment. Success isn’t celebrated with hugs and declarations of pride but with a subtle nod or a small smile that, to the trained eye, contains universes of approval.
The Physical Touch Substitute
While hugs might be rare in many African households, physical expressions of love take different forms. The mother who insists on combing your hair (often painfully), the father who slaps your back a little too hard in greeting, or the auntie who pinches your cheeks and comments on your weight – these physical interactions, sometimes awkward or uncomfortable, represent attempts at closeness in cultures where emotional vulnerability isn’t always encouraged.
“Take Care of Yourself” – The Goodbye Blessing
As you leave home, whether for school or work, those parting words – “Take care of yourself” – carry emotional weight far beyond their literal meaning. This simple phrase encompasses all their worries, hopes, and love compressed into a socially acceptable farewell. When accompanied by unexpected provisions (a container of homemade food, some cash slipped into your bag, or traditional remedies for any possible ailment), these goodbyes become powerful expressions of love that continue to nurture you in their absence.
Conclusion: The Unspoken Understanding
What makes this love language so special is the mutual understanding it creates. Children raised in African households develop an emotional intelligence that allows them to read between the lines and appreciate these unique expressions of affection. As adults, many of us find ourselves perpetuating these same patterns – showing love through service rather than declaration, expecting understanding without explanation. It’s a cultural inheritance that shapes our relationships in profound ways. The beauty of African parental love lies in its consistency and reliability. Those three words might rarely pass their lips, but their actions – steady, sacrificial, and unwavering – tell a love story more eloquent than any verbal declaration could express.
